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Dreaming My Life

By Denise Naughton

Although dreams have always brought me spiritual insights, there are very few dreams I remember from my childhood. The ones I do remember woke me in the middle of the night, frozen with fear. Only the sound of my racing heart broke the silence.

These nightmares were very rare and always the same: My house was surrounded by Japanese warriors. I was the only defender against the onslaught of dozens. I would wake in a cold sweat just before they made their rush.

As I grew older, these dreams disappeared. But the key to unlock their meaning surfaced years later in a love relationship.

From the beginning of our relationship, my partner and I enjoyed the easy familiarity of old friends. I remember once he mentioned he had known me a very long time ago. "How wonderful it is to be with you again," he said. I was taken aback by his comment. It was out of the ordinary for him and out of context with the conversation we were having.

I tried to quiz him, but he couldn't explain it. He seemed rather confused by what he had said. I knew it was a message from Divine Spirit, and I listened.

Our relationship was an unusual one. Everything seemed to indicate it would be long and full. However, we would reach a certain point and then, for no apparent reason, back away from each other. Every two to three years we reconnected, only to reach the same barrier again. This pattern repeated itself for almost twelve years.

During the years we were apart, our relationship continued in the dream state. My family and several of the ECK Masters of the Ancient Order of the Vairagi played a part in these dreams. My family was always confused: Why was I leaving such a wonderful man?

In other dreams our relationship grew in the ways I had always expected it to in my outer life.
I was becoming very confused. Outwardly the relationship was going nowhere, but it was working so well on the inner!

One time after spending a few days with him, I returned home feeling inwardly beaten and broken. Once again the wall of fear had reappeared. It reminded me of my childhood nightmares. A decision needed to be made: either I wanted us to be together completely-or not at all. But I was paralyzed: I couldn't decide what to do next.

I sat down and did a spiritual exercise to gain some insight into my fear and confusion. I asked the Mahanta, the Inner Master, to show me why I could neither shake this bond nor make it stronger. Then I fell asleep and my dreams brought me the answers I sought.

In a dream that night I found myself in Japan. The setting was several centuries ago. I saw a woman and a man, both dressed in royal robes, their families attending. At first I thought I was watching a royal marriage, but then I realized the two were being slowly tortured.

Why? I knew I was the woman, but who was this man? Someone urged me to move closer and to be silent; the answers would come. Suddenly I found myself in the body of the woman I had been watching. My father was commanding me to deny the love I had for the man by my side. I asked him why. He replied that this man was the enemy of our family.

I replied he was no enemy of mine and turned to look into my lover's eyes. It was then that I recognized him as the man I knew in my present life. In this past life in Japan, he and I had died at a very young age at the hands of our own fathers. They had been lifelong enemies, coming together briefly for the murder of their only children.

When I awoke, I knew I had experienced a past life as Soul. All my childhood nightmares now made sense. Those fears were gone- and with them, the bond with this man. I understood from the dream that our relationship could go no further in this lifetime: He would not be able to understand the obstacles we would have to overcome to renew our relationship as it was in that past life. But instead of feeling sorrow, I felt light and happy. I was walking away from this relationship with love, understanding why rather than resenting invisible circumstances.

Someday, I knew, this man and I would meet again on equal ground. This was the insight from my dream: that there is a love that is greater, freer, and stronger than the love I was familiar with in the physical world. I could leave our relationship with love and know that it was still being healed on the inner planes.

Though the outcome of this relationship was not what I had visualized and hoped for, the ECK, or Holy Spirit, had given me something better: an open heart and an understanding I could carry with me forever.